Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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