If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
