so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
