I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
