drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need water and some morals
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
