He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
