i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was like eating out sand paper
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
