i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think i scared a bird with my dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
