Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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