Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
