Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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