Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
