Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
