I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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