never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
