How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this will be a night to untag.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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