yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
