Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
