You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
