you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
