You work out of a Hotel?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
