3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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