he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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