Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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