I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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