I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
