too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
