my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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