What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
