I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
