I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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