I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
