Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
