i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
