Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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