Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
