I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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