Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
