i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Say something about gay babies.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
