where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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