Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
