update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
