my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
