I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
