I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
