Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
