Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just tell him i said nine months
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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