He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
