You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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