I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
