Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
