I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Success! We fucked roommates!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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