is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its about making memories worth repressing
handjob tips. give me some.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
