he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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