On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
