that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
