I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
